In my circles, FitzSimons is rated the second most obnoxious person in Australia for his head-kicking, four-letter-word laced columns. Although, he didn’t have access to a cabal of researchers to inform him about the nuances of the Essendon saga, he nevertheless couldn’t resist showing the world his ignorance in a few articles.
As a gesture of goodwill, I dissected one of his articles to alert him that he was just embarrassing himself, and therefore, should desist from commenting on the Essendon saga. Instead of being grateful for my advice, FitzSimons, in a tear-stained email, asked me not to write to him again because I upset him and as with most bullies, he couldn’t handle being the recipient.
Unfortunately, space limitations only permit including one article that was published on 7 September 2013. It gives a great insight into FitzSimons’ character:
“I am indebted to reader Brian Coombes for the idea. Why not an All-Dickhead team, coached by a dickhead? I don’t mean the Swans, but I think St Kilda might be a great place to start, given that we already know their players think it is hilarious to set fire to a dwarf. And perhaps when James Hird has finished his suspension, he might be encouraged to join them. And you could throw in all the other players who have a track record of creating ugly headlines over the years. Brendan Fevola could make his long-awaited comeback and be the star of the show.
“For you see, the All-Dickhead side would not actually play games, and it wouldn’t even be an AFL team as it would be a cross-code side, boasting the most famous dickheads in NRL and union.
“The whole lot would just go to licensed premises and engage in fights (only between team members) before heading out to Hungry Jack’s at 4am, where they could take selfies until their noses bled, before missing the team meeting the following morning, and then sending out vicious tweets before claiming it was their fathers what truly wrote it.”